Tag Archives: Alzheimer’s Disease

Morning Light (A Corner View* Post)

Just as my mother began to slip into the morass of forgetfulness and confusion that we later learned was Alzheimer’s Disease, she wrote the following paragraphs, which I saved along with her other computer files that she had hoped one day to craft into a memoir. These paragraphs (which I’ve left exactly as she typed them) describe her early morning routine:

I am an early riser and so over the years I’ve worked out a morning routine. I pull on my workout clothes – my favorite washed out gray tee shirt, my shabby running sneakers; my worn-out blue cap that says the “Open— However, before I run out, I sit on the carpeted floor to meditate for about fifteen minutes and do some yoga positions. I sit so I can see the large window in front of me. There is a row of old brick tenements. Fire escapes…

Finally, I go down on the elevator and out the door to the busy street. Before I start to run, I stand on the top of the stairs and look up and down the street. A few years ago, my youngest daughter saw the block as Sesame Street.

People sit on the steps – men and women walked briskly to work; gray old men walk slowly to pick up the newspaper; a few women gather together to chat; children carry —

(Jane, January 14, 2009, 3:47 p.m.)

My mother’s words fade, mid-sentence, into unnamed possibility—which is how (or so it feels to me) her life ended at the close of clear-light day this spring.


*Corner View* is a weekly appointment – each Wednesday, where bloggers from all corners of the world share their view on a pre-arranged theme. This week’s theme is “Morning Light.”

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Filed under Dream Life, Dreaming of Mom

Crazy Good: Dreaming of Mom

I had a crazy dream the other night.

I dreamed my mother called me on the phone and we were laughing and talking.

Which might not sound so strange to you. After all, people dream of all kinds of crazy things—like flying through the tree tops, or showing up in high school English wearing nothing but their slippers, or kissing the president of the United StatesIMG_5102.

But this was a crazy dream—because my mother has Alzheimer’s disease and aphasia, and it has been years since she’s known how to dial a phone. Plus, her speech is reduced to just a handful of one-syllable words, and more often than not, even those don’t make any sense.

In the dream, however, I was able to ask my mother questions and best of all, she was able to answer me. We haven’t had a conversation like that in a very long time.

I woke up happy and full of energy

A Freudian might say this had been a wish fulfillment dream. Others would say it was just random neuronal firings—no meaning.

But to me, after seven years of standing by as this disease slowly takes my mother from me, the dream was like a refund. A repayment of funds owed to a dissatisfied customer. It’s a golden coin I slip into my pocket and rub against my thumb anytime I need to be reminded: I still have something precious. Something that shines. Something to hold onto.

So when I say I had a crazy dream the other night, I mean it. For me, that dream was crazy good. It allowed me to remember the cadence of my mother’s voice. It allowed me to experience something I can’t experience when I’m awake.

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What kind of crazy dreams have you had lately? Share them with us in the comments section of this post!

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If you have dreams of your mother…or if you’re a mother who dreams…join me for a workshop on Mothers and Daughters Dreaming at the SOUND center in Newtown Connecticut on Sunday, May 3.

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Filed under Dream Life, Dreaming of Mom